Holiday language

Who’s hungry?

I’m being surrounded by holiday words. Wrapped in them like a champagne flute from Crate and Barrel. Home for the Holidays. Giving thanks. All the fixings. Dave is getting the new powder room put together for Thursday. The paint and towel bars and disputed wainscoting won’t be done, but we’ll have a toilet, sink and door. And, if World Market has anything to say about it, a cheap hook and maybe a mirror.

Last night, Roz posted on Facebook, “A particular sporting goods chain might want to re-think their holiday slogan: “Start your holiday season with Dick’s.” But about the fixings. Dave was trying to install the mini semi-pedestal on the mini sink, but couldn’t find a way to attach it. He emailed Duravit and continued hunting around online. Finally he discovered there’s a third part, called “Fixings,” that attaches the two. He ordered it from Amazon, and we’re hoping it arrives by Wednesday. I sort of expect the package to contain sage stuffing and cranberries. Speaking of which, I have to find fresh sage for my new stuffing recipe. Whole Foods or Home Depot?

This morning Dave got a reply from Duravit, telling him you have to purchase the fixings, part zero-zero-nine-whatever, separately. Dave sipped his coffee and composed a reply. “How do I say this without being a dick? Thanks I figured that out and ordered the fixing on Amazon. But why aren’t the fixings included with the pedestal? I can’t think of any reason…

Unless I had been bequeathed a fixings part by my late uncle

Unless I wanted to use the mini semi-pedi as a decorative lawn ornament

Unless I needed another side dish for the turkey

…anyone would purchase one without the other.

Signed, Dick.” Sage. Thyme. Wrap yourself in warmth. Cranberries. Hot and fluffy. During this time. This year, give him what he really wants. Sparkling. Gathering. And fixing.

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